Running Into Oblivion,

Nervouswreck

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Title: Nervous Wreck
Type: Navigational

Ran Headlong Into Oblivion

Nothing Makes Sense Anymore.Nothing.

Saturday, March 29, 2008/ 21:40

Nothing Makes Much Sense Anymore.
But It Makes A Lot Of Sense That I'm Confused..

Hey guys.My Saturday was ok.I went out to the Library and borrowed some books haha I'm quite a bookworm I noe.Unusual for a guy like me.Anyway I wanna get straight to the point here,about my life right now.

I don't know where my teenage life is taking me.I don't know what's happening these days.I don't know why this is happening.I don't know what's the point of it all.I don't know what I'm really feeling in my heart.I don't know what I'm really thinkin in my head.And now I'm not sure who I truly love..Seriously.

Everytime I look into Eleanor's eyes,it just give me some sort of hope.And somehow I think she sorta likes me too.But still,she has boyfriend.So I just don't know what to do.And she just started talkin to me a these few days.Yesterday,she I was reading a book in geog class.(the teacher didn't come.So the relief teacher came.)She sits at the other side of the class.She was doin work.The class was noisy.When I turned to her she was lookin at me.Then she asked me what book I was readin.I couldn't think of any reason why she would want to know what book I'm readin.And I'm shocked that she is talkin to me even though we're tables apart.
So I told her the book was called Radio Radio.She didn't hear me well coz the class was noisy.Then she asked me whether it was a good read.I thought the book was kinda boring but I showed her the 'Ok' sign.Then she smiled at me,nodding her head.I just smiled back at her.She then returned to her work and me,the book.I was just dumbstrucked.The whole thing didn't make much sense to me.Its like she is suddenly interested in talkin to me,Interested in the things I do or say.
Which is why I'm so confused right now.

Though Yesterday,after school,I heard what I was dying to hear before.She passed my back and said "Bye Fuad".Thats the first time I heard her say my name.She said it like my name sorta meant something to her.The kind of which that You know you're in the person's life,that you are somebody in that person's life when they say your name that way.I turned and and chased her.Then I caught up with her at the foot of the stairs.She was goin upstairs but I had to go downstairs.She noticed I was at the foot when she was halfway up.I wanted to say something.
She looked at me.I said "you're not goin home?".
She replied"oh no,I got band...Bye..."
"Oh....Bye.."I said.Then we went our separate ways.Me,thinking about her.Her,possibly thinkin of me too.
I know I should've said more.But that was all of it.Nothin more I could have done.But I have other problems too..

The Other Problem..

Mimi doesn't talk to me anymore these days.Since after the March holidays,she seemed distant from me.Before this,we were ok.I like talkin to her.Talkin to a girl is way different than talkin to guys.Yea so we talked in those days.We would sometimes meet up at Yew Tee in the morning and then go to school together.I've never done anythin like that before.And then we would sometimes ride the same bus home after school.She made me brownies one time.(She was makin some for her mum's birthday,she made me some too.)And,honestly,they were the best brownies I've ever eaten.I told her that.But she still insists that it wasn't her best and I laughed and I insist that they're delicious.haha.Good Times haha.

But she's not talkin to me now.She's sorta ignoring me at class and my table is even beside her table so it was pretty obvious.And whenever I asked her something,she would either say yes or no or even nod or shake her head.And sometimes,without even lookin at me.

The problem is,I don't know whats goin on with her.I really don't know why she's not talkin to me.I really hope Mimi would tell me.It just sucks not talking to her.I can't help but to think that it could be because that she doesn't want people to think that we're together(in a relationship or somethin)or maybe that I had offended her in some way.I just don't know what to think.And I'm just so fucking confused.Knowing that she's not talking to me just drives me crazy.I have to say that I miss talking to her.I miss her laughter like whenever she laughs at my usual crappiness.I can't help but feel I might have some feelings for Mimi.Its just so confusing coz I have feelings for Eleanor too.Though I have more for Eleanor.Maybe she's not talkin to me because of that.Or maybe I'm just overreacting.And I'm so confused right now.Uhh I'm a little overreacting right now.

Nothing Makes Much Sense Anymore..
God I hate my teenage life..

Two Girls Are Tearing Me Apart
Its Forcing My Heart
To Make A Choice That's So Hard
I Hope I'll Get It Right.

Lessons Learned...
1#Whatever Happens,Happens.
3#Love can be so boring
4#Girls are so confusing.
5#Guys like me confuse themselves.
6#Friends can sometimes piss you off more than your enemies.
7#Keeping secrets for friends is not at all fun.
8#Best friends don't usually listen to you.
9#The Good,The Bad,The Ugly.
10#I'm pretty much the only guy among my friends who actually reads a book.
11#I don't own my heart.My Heart Owns Me.And Eleanor Owns My Heart.
12#Things that usually make sense can fall out of place very,very quickly.Like Love For Example.
13#13 is just a number.

Song Verse Of The Day:"Everyone Knows I'm In Over My Head,Over My Head.With Eight Seconds Left In Over Time,She's On Your Mind...She's On Your Mind" The Fray-Over My Head(Cable Car)

Kickin Back The Monday Blues....Again...Barely...Unsuccesfully..

Monday, March 24, 2008/ 21:09

Kickin Back The Monday Blues...Again...Barely....Unsuccessfully..Miserably.

And Here's Why:
1)I didn't get a smile from Eleanor.
2)I didn't get a smile from Eleanor.
3)I slipped and nearly fell on the road.My right foot hurts.
4)I made a food stain on my uniform.Like,can I say,"Dude,like,you're gonna be Sixteen soon.You need a bip or somethin?"
5)Some Fat-ass named Zul(my class) pissed me off.Smartass.
6)I got a Chemistry test on Metals today.I didn't bring my worksheets and so I couldn't revised and well,you know..
7)Its a bad hair day for me again.As if,I havent had enough of that.I might as well shave my head off and buy a wig.Or not buy at all,just a shaved head.
8)Newsflash:Its back with the original seating arrangement in Malay class.Not like the one where Eleanor was behind me.So now....I guess no Eleanor behind me...uhh I need a tissue..
9)And did I mention that I didn't get a smile from her?oh wait,2 times,hehe.Well that just sucks.Seriously,my day will be black and white if I never got a smile.I'll be a walkin Zombie.Hmm Zombies....they ain't half bad...till they start bitin you where they shouldn't be..haha.Off-course here.
10)Well all I can say now is...God,I just hate mondays.It takes the life outta me.Unless I got a smile.Still I hate Mondays.Thanks for introducin "I hate Mondays" Garfield.I hate you too you dumb cat.

Well,I'm sure you're glad thats over.Even though I'm pretty pissed off by today,I still can't help feelin relaxed and positive.I must be crazy or somethin.Or rather,Immune to Mondays.Even though I hate Mondays,it doesn't affect me so much.So I might as well be tellin myself that I've just wasted an hour and a half typin this down. God,I must be stupid.Really,Really stupid.

Probably stupid enough to think that a girl as beautiful as Eleanor would one day like me.
God I just hope I'm wrong.Coz She stole my heart.And her phone is spoiled I think.She dropped it somewhere she shouldn't.Accidentally.So I think I just wasted an sms sayin Goodnight to her.Haaaa Fuad...Not yet a man,much less a guy.Still a Kid.A very matured Kid.Well give em' Hell son!

Song Verse Of The Day:"Coz' You're Just A Girl All The Boys Wanna Dance With...And I'm Just A Boy Who's Had Too Many Chances..." Fall Out Boy-A Little Less Sixteen Candles,A Little More "Touch Me"

Oh Boy,I can't wait for my sixteen candles..

Peer Into The Heart Of Teenage Stupidity

Wednesday, March 19, 2008/ 21:07

Let's Peer Into The Heart Of Teenage Stupidity.Particularly A Certain Guy Named Fuad.

I got ONE question for those of you who see me everyday.
Here's the question; Do I Look Like An Idiot To You?I Mean Seriously,I Feel Like I Look Like An Idiot.Yea with my hair unkempt and all over the place.I can do nothin with my hair though.I'm fightin a losing battle.Well at least I look ok with my uniform...right?Arh.
I just can't seem to take anythin seriously.I'm laughin at all times.I think I just might be crazy somehow.Or Nuts,since I like to eat Chocolate with nuts.That must be the reason I'm nuts.Even Eleanor said so haha.

At Least I Still Have A Good Sense Of Humor.

Today was like any other day.Wait,let me introduce you to somethin new.SSDD;It means Same Shit,Different Day.You get what I mean?Well if you're still slow,let me elaborate.It means,I'm goin through the same stuff(shit) today like any other day except that its a different day today just like its gonna be a different day tomorrow.So Yea,Same Shit,Different Day.Well copy it down if you've been searching on how to talk bout your day.haha.
Anyway,more bout my day.I signed up for the Dragon Boat thing.I've never been in a dragon boat before and since its free and its my last year at school,I thought,"Hell,I think I'll give a try".So now I'm just hopin that I'm up for it when it comes.

Mother Tongue lessons are pretty different now.Well if what Cikgu Salha said is true,then its goin to be a whole lot more boring.Great,just what I need,more Boredom.I think I'll be brain-dead by the end of the month.But at least I kinda like where I sit in class now.I sit round the front middle.And I sit directly in front of Eleanor now,which is good since I could talk to her more.But its still kinda hard since I gotta turn around and talk and the class is usually busy doin work.Well I smiled at her while we're just standin after the bell gone.She looked sorta tired to me.Or maybe she thinks I look like an Idiot..haha I hope its the former.
Then I just realised you know ,I realised that her eyes are beautiful.Even though they're the same colour as mine(well typical malay features),they're just so beautiful I think.Dark brown and round eyes.I've never dared to look into them for very long.It makes me weak around the knees.And those smiles make me weak too.Haha I don't know what I'm tryin to say or do here.You tell me.

Song Verse Of The Day:"Coz' Its You,And Me,And All Other People.Nothing To Do,Nothing To Lose.And Its You,And Me,And All Other People And I Don't Know Why,I Can't Keep My Eyes Off Of You" Lifehouse-You And Me.

All I See Is You And Me,And All Other People.

Back To School

Monday, March 17, 2008/ 20:36

Kickin Back The Monday Blues.

Doin My Best Not To Be Blue.

Hey guys,how were your holidays huh?Mine Pretty much sucked.I mean,I don't know if I should call it a holiday haha.
Well I think I'll be kissin my June holidays goodbye at this rate.What with probably one of the biggest exams in my life creepin up.Anyway,I'm not here to talk bout that.That would ruin my credibility as someone who writes nice posts...hehehe.
So lets start over again...

Hey guys,how were your holidays huh?I never had great holidays in my life so I'm gonna say mine was pretty ok.
Minus the homework that I never finished,my time was ok.
Well I told you guys in my last post bout catchin a movie right?
So yea lets talk bout that.

Anyway,NEWSFLASH,Eleanor couldn't come that Thursday.She got band camp.She told me she really wanted to come.Well nothin we could do bout that then.
I have to admit that I did felt as if I was missing somethin dearly that day.I know I was being sad coz she wasn't there.Like I said before,I wanted to talk to her again.
So I tried to enjoy the outing the best I can coz she told me to.
I did enjoy the movie.I mean,who doesn't enjoy a movie about dancing?Step Up 2 was ok though I prefer the first Step Up coz the story was better.Still,the dancing was always nice to watch.Makes me wish I could dance like em.Hahaha no kidding.

Me and the guys got to Plaza Singapura at around 1515.By the time we got up to the cinema it was already 1530.We wanted to watch at the 1630 timing but unfortunately it was sold out so we had to settle for the 1850 timing which was like three hours later that day.Just Great.Nice.
So since we had time to kill,we walked all the way from Plaza Sing to Wisma Atria.Lut havent joined us yet so I was thinkin of meetin up with him there.He didn't know where to alight from the mrt to go to Wisma.Honestly I couldn't remember how.Then Fahmy told me to tell Lut to alight at City Hall.Which he did but then he couldn't find where Wisma is.So it's either that he was blind and couldn't see the totally obvious Wisma Atria sign or that we gave him the wrong info.It was the latter hehe.The station at Wisma was actually Orchard station.So that means,Lut was a few stations overshot of Wisma.haha sad I know.Then we just told him to take the train back to Plaza Sing as me and the rest of the guys we're goin back there.
So then we walked back,in the rain and all.It was fun.I dun usually get sick after walkin in the rain so it was ok.I was wearin a jacket with a hood but I never wore my hood.I just like to feel the rain in my face.Kinda like the song "Raindrops Are Fallin On My Head"haha.Yup,raindrops were fallin on my head.But I didn't mind it all.Its not everyday you get to walk in the city in the rain right?And it always give u a great sense of freedom,unless you're the emo kind u noe hahaha.

Well Who Knows?Maybe Someday I'll Be Walkin In The Rain With Her.

We went home bout 2100.I went home with the rest of the guys.We left Lut and Iifahz somewhere haha.When Lut called us to ask where were we,we lied and said that we were already in the bus headin home haha.So Lut then goes home with Iifahz haha.I'm sure Lut was screamin with joy in his heart haha sort of.Well,who gives a damn?haha I don't.So I got home and msged Eleanor Goodnight and then I slept at around 1000.
Bottomline,the outing was fun and all.I only wished Liyana was there.

So now,I'm back to school after a week of so-called holiday.My holiday mood left me about a week ago haha seriously haha.Anyway,today was ok.Barely.It was a bad hair day for me.Seriously,I don't know what was happenin to my hair.I don't know what to call it.Still,if Eleanor never smiled at me at Malay class,I'll consider that my day officially sucked.Yes she did smile at me.But I wasn't wearin my glasses at the time so I couldn't look into her eyes again.But I did smile back so it was ok I guess.
If you're wonderin,The rest of my day was lousy and you'll die of boredom if I told you about it.Haha at least I didn't have POA lesson today haha.

Move On To Matters Of The Heart.
I wonder what she thinks of me.Does she somehow likes me too?Abit maybe?Or am I just like all the other guys who likes her?Hopeless and like a loser.I don't know which is worst.
She is still with her boyfriend.I'm still doin ok.But its just that smile I always get from her that never fails to get my head spinnin.Well Iifahz did told me that Eleanor's relationship with the guy is kinda rocky.So is there still Hope?Or it is just false hope?I dunno.I really don't know why I am still holding on to her.Well maybe,like I said before,maybe my Heart knows somethin I don't.God I just need some Clarity.Some clarity to clear all these doubts away.I hope it'll come soon.I hope this Love is true.yea I hope too much.I know.
Well thats it yea,Might be too much today I dunno.Well just read it ok.haha see ya guys later.

Song Verse Of The Day:"Somebody Save Me.Let Your Warm Hands Break Right Through Me.Somebody Save Me.I Don't Care How You Do It.Just Stay With Me.I've Made This Whole World Shine For You.Just Stay,Stay.Come On I'm Still Waiting For You" Remy Zero-Save Me

Just Save Me.I'm Waiting...

I Have Sweet Nothings To Say...

Tuesday, March 11, 2008/ 15:37

I Have Sweet Nothings To Say...

Its Two Days Into The So-Called "Holiday"(Not countin the weekend.)....

The reason I said "So-Called" was because that I have got like 4 days worth of extra classes and its suppose to be a freakin Holiday!I mean what the hell.Well I'm not complainin much coz I dun have much plans this week hehe.Except that me and some others are goin to catch Step Up 2 on Thursday afternoon.I think I'm goin with Lut,his Lover Iifahz haha,Fahmy,me cuzzin Hadi,Mariana(I think),Azy,Izzat and Hopefully,Eleanor too haha.She did told me she would like to join.Oh God I hope she does!I would like very much to talk to her again.

Oh yea,Did I mention that I finally had two complete conversations with her last week?Haha yea the first one was on Thursday mornin when I just reached school.She was walkin ahead of me.I dunno what made me do it but I just walked up to her back,leaned forward and said "Hey".And then we sorta talked abit and that was it.Ok I dunno why I even brought that up.U guys are probably thinkin I'm a dumbass for not doin anythin else.And U guys are probably right.

Anyways,thats why I want her to come Thursday.Not to stare at her but to actually talk and to really have a good conversation with her.I just hope I have somethin to say when the time comes.You know,I wouldn't wanna look like a complete Idiot.Well as if I'm not much of an Idiot now haha.

Ok Now,Lets Move On To Other Things Here,

Well it was a pretty good day for me I guess.Well I had POA class and Maths class(Again,So-Called Holiday).It was pretty dull and I'm sure u guys don't wanna hear bout it.
Anyways I saw Eleanor a couple of times.And yes,she saw me too.
Class was over before I realised it.Then I found myself sittin at the bustop at the school side.On the other side of the road,Lut was sittin at the bustop.He was goin to Lot 1,to the Library,to study with Iifahz.(Or so I'm told).So I thought,if I went home,I would probably be doin nothin.And its only noon mind u.
Then I figured I'd go to Lot 1 with old Lut.Not for fun but because I felt like I wanna borrow some books to read.And Let Me Remind You That I Do Read Books.Not any kid's book but real paperback/hard cover Novels.haha.Anyway I decided to follow Old Lut.So yea and off we went.With 2 different people in our hearts and mind.I'm sure of it.

So yea Fast-forward To Library.
We met up with Iifahz a while then.Then I left those 2 alone cause I wanna search for books.While searchin for books I realised that those 2 arent exactly studyin together.One is doin work and the other is listenin to music.Well I won't say who.Even I'm not stupid enough to know that u gotta have some interaction if ur studyin with someone.Needs to get some conversation goin and thats how u start learnin stuff.Well I havent had any study partners(haha dumbass)but I noe I'm quite right.Thats how u teach each other and learn from each other.Unless both are total idiots then we have a situation there haha so choose ur study partner carefully.Haha seriously,take it from me.

Anyways,after like an hour or so I finally got my books.And then I was on my way home.I waved those 2 off before I went out.
Then I was at home readin the books abit.The first one I borrowed was a novel called Every Man For Himself.Its and interestin one.A collection of short stories about bein a guy haha.Cool stuff,cool stuff.The next one is called Radio Radio.It a story that uses scripwritin format.Complete with written camera angles and close ups.And it says that its not just a book,but its a movie.Then It just came to me,who the hell wants to read a movie if u can watch it?Then I thought,for the writer,it must be for fun and profit.So I think it wouldn't be much of a good read coz I still havent understand what is it about.Anyways the last book I borrowed is called,The Dirty Dozen.Cool name haha.Its a world war II fictional novel.It has a cool concept and story.ahha about convicts who were given a chance to choose,either go to war and then be freed or stay in prison serving their punishments.I can't wait to start reading it and its quite a big book too haha.So yea guys I gotta go now haha.And I just realised that this post is the longest one I've written haha.

So yea I'm off!I'm Out!Roger,Over and Out!I'll share with u guys with more of my stories later haha.And I was thinkin of her too the whole time I was writin this hehe.Heads up!Its the Song verse of the day!

The Song Verse Of The Day:"I Figured Out,My Situation.I Am An Endless Source Of Useless Information.Give Me Bad News,Coz Its Already Been Expected.I Let My Front Down,And I Know I Will Regret.." New Found Glory-At Least I'm Known For Something.

Well At Least...I Think It Is.

Man Of The Hour.....Sort Of.

Monday, March 3, 2008/ 22:00

I Have The Makings To Be A Teacher's Son-In-Law?Who Woulda Thunk It?haha.(Man Of The Hour...Sort Of)

It Was MotherTongue Lesson...
I was sittin in my chair,waitin for my name to be called.
I was supposed to do a presentation,about the problems caused by Drugs.So yea no big deal....except that I was so Freakin nervous!Eleanor sat about a meter to my One O'Clock.She turned to me and then mouthed the words,"Good Luck".She Smiled too.Except that she doesn't noe how I felt through the Weekend due to somethin I found out(More on this later).Anyways I smiled back at her and looked down.

Shadrina was due to present first.Her piece was about working mums and the pros and cons of it.I thought she did good.
The next thing I noe,it was my turn.The panel of judges includes Mimi,Lut,Zahirah and Rafiqah.So yea,I walkedto the front of the panels table.I was so freakin nervous mind you.
Then It was my turn,Maisarah suddenly sort of shouted my name haha!Then Cikgu Salha said jokingly"Seems Fuad has some admirers haha".Somethin Like That.Then everybody laughed.Then she said that,I have the makings to be her Son-in-law haha!I really don't know why she said that.I dunno if thats really true haha.Imagine that!ahha!Everybody laughed,I did too.
Lut told me later on that Eleanor's jaw dropped when Cikgu Salha said that haha.
Man,As if I wasn't nervous before.I was practically shaking when I was about to start!
And then,Before I realised it,I started speaking.I have never had that many people listening to me before.Never.
And so I said my piece,and ended with a "Thank You".Seriously people,Thanks for listening,I appreciate it.
I was so surprised when I heard my marks from the judges.
Mimi gave me 36 over 50.
Lut gave 37 over 50.
Zahirah gave 36 over 50.
Rafiqah somehow gave me 42 over 50.I hope there are no other reason behind the 42 cause Lut joked that he thinks she likes me haha.Others joked too,Includind Cijgu Salha haha.Then I said,as long as there's not a fanclub i'm ok haha.
To tell u the truth,I totally didn't expect to get those kind of marks.Cikgu Salha only advised me to speak louder next time but the the rest was pretty good.For once,I didn't mess up.Thank God For That.

It Was Recess Time....
I Just finished eating and I was at standing infront of the bookshop,Waitin for Shank(Shichang)to buy his stuff.Then outta nowhere,someone said "Hey!"from my back.I instantly recognized the voice.I turned and Iifahz was sort of skippin past me and smilin.I smiled back and said hey too.Then a voice said "Congrats"from my back too.There's only one voice that could make me smile like I did.I turned and Eleanor was walkin past me and smilin to herself.She didn't looked at me though.I wanted to say thanks or somethin but no words came out.She just made me speechless.I just gazed at her,walking away so gracefully.I've never met anyone that graceful.Honestly.
And I thought to myself,My feelings for her are beyond my control.Even when I want to be mad at her,I just couldnt be mad at all.Everytime she smiles at me,I feel Stronger,Yet Weaker at the same time.Up till now,I'm still wonderin why I'm still holding onto her.Mayber my Heart Knows Somethin I Don't.Well,Only God Knows....

Song Verse Of The Day:"You Look So Beautiful Today...When You're Sittin There It's Hard For My To Look Away.So I Tried To Find The Words That I Could Say..I Know Distance Doesn't Matter But You Feel So Far Away...." Simple Plan-I Can Wait Forever.
I Guess I Can Wait A Little Longer.